Love: The thin line between knowing & understanding!

“Love!” In the India, which have not yet been altered by western culture of expression and ownership of love, the word ‘love’ is amongst the least spoken and most felt words. We don’t depend on the ability of alphabets & words to frame sentences for pouring our heart out for someone. Generally, the words we frame, the sentences we write has a fix domain, certain limit and in some cases certain rules which govern its meaning but as far as I have sunk in this feeling, I could never find the depth of love or its limitation. The more i went in, the more unbound it felt. And one thing was crystal clear, this feeling can never be expressed in the permutation and combination of merely twenty-six alphabets of English.

Starting with the most beautiful love relation which God himself decorated, love of a child and mother. What can you say about it? Or what can I say about it? Even if someone dares to have thought of writing some best-known lines for this kind of love, it won’t even be the tiniest part of the whole emotion attached with it. It’s simple, you can never write about something you are born off. Yes! Born off, the love which you might want to pen down was there long before your first body-cell was developed. Maybe this the kind of depth it has, unconditional, immeasurable & unimpeachable.

Maybe, it’s not possible to articulate love in its purest form but then, people with great experiences say so many things about other forms of love. A few measures it, a few compare it. Some finds it soothing and others find it freaking. Even I have heard people dying in love as well as shining in love. This certainly buttress the fact that it has different meaning for everyone. Its effect largely depends on the understanding of latter’s then the formers. Its meaning and its feeling is all together a different variable in same equation.

You have to have your own meaning of love before you even want to utter a word about it. But digging through your meaning is not as easy as it looks. Every meaning is jacketed with the immense feeling which make the whole world ‘a background music’ in a fraction of second. So, the lightening should struck you when someone slow-down the run in your life and an intense desire starts growing inside you to live that moment a thousand more time before it finally ends. These feelings and meanings cooked together with different situations in life will actually make you realize the naked truth behind this simple four alphabeted word.

 The path of finding your own meaning of love will travel you through the stringent situations, testing your ability to relay upon the face which made you put your world aside. You will have to trust your heart beats and ignore the protocol that you have developed so far in your life. Just to make it simple I would say, not being you is the only way to know what ‘love’ means to you?

Not agreed! Fair enough, don’t! That’s how you start to end up with peace and calmness inside you. That’s how I started, that’s how everyone should start. I was damn too lucky to have met someone who took my harshness to give me my own meaning of love. Under different variables of the path of my choice, I went on to fine tune myself to be more like a devotee than to be a man of free will. Toughest of all questions were fired at me to make me realize the consequences of my choice but being denied of my intense feeling earlier in life I was ready to go off-limits to actually realize it.

But hell yeah! I was on the right path with wrong person in mind. Those fights, heated discussions, accusations, confrontations, possessiveness, ownership, negligence, betrayal, circumventing lies, gut-feels and teary loneliness taught me a single line, “Love is the thin line between knowing and understanding”.  My meaning of most complicated yet simplest word ‘Love’.

A cold walk!

It's kind of intimidating to witness hefty amount of fog curling around the earth crust slowly, taking over the control of movement on it.  Restricting, pausing, forcing everything to slow down little bit, pause for a moment to feel the essence of its presence around us. We do pause, cursing its presence around us. Making it responsible for every other delay which subsequently follows it.   But never realizing that may be their presence on crust might heal us the way it heals other natural things.

Yes! It does recuperate things. I have seen the aroma of numbness in its presence on crust and also the calmness that it leaves behind. The sun looks brighter, leaves look more than alive, the sky seems reborn – like someone has just wiped out all the dust we spit on it. Even i have seen the grasses embracing the small droplets of its absence and happily glittering back to me, may be saying “i am reborn with calmness and glitter, are you?”

It struck one of the strings of my haziest desires to be reborn again. The first and foremost thing was to let the chilled tiny droplets drench me. I took a walk around when the clumsy droplets was spreading all around to heal up things. As i stepped into them, they greeted me with their touch on my skin, leaving a sweet sensation of wet and cold. A sensation that freezes the flow in my veins for sometimes, making it realize pausing is a mean for shedding the continuous tiredness of all day long run. With this sensation in heart i began to walk deeper into it, wanting it to curl me around and heal my tiredness of all day long run. Just a cold walk to be reborn!

The Namesake

my sins doesn't have any name

but my glory will bear one,

my loneliness doesn't have any face

but my togetherness will possess one, 

my fights doesn't carry any fame

but my love will carry some

i'm known by sins, loneliness and fights now 

but my glory,togetherness & love will know me.

My decisions are inexplicable

but my path will be understood,

my laughter is misinterpreted

but my calmness will be debilitating, 

my thoughts are considered injudicious

but my words will have its weight,

i'm doubted for my decisions,laughter & thoughts

but my path,calmness & words will make me.

My experiences aren't congruent with my age

but my sore fears are deep inline, 

my reactions are fierce & gruesome 

but my heart has no twin thoughts, 

my anger has a cruel face 

but my love has it's depth, 

i'm treated for my exprience,reactions & anger

but my fear, love & heart isn't known.

Sometimes, my journey is compromised

but it has an unimpeachable end, 

This world may impair my thinking

but it will never loathe my understanding, 

In the community of predators

i go by 'my name'.

--Vibhas Vats

The big short day!

This day is marked! May be it might not meet my expectations but i am so sure that it will have some effect. it’s not about the celebration we had today, neither it’s about the background preparation we did but it’s more about the way it ended. An unplanned end of a perfectly planned day! it’s much more refreshing than what it sounds and that is the only reason, it is marked!!
Having a permanent confusion about your decisions, a bad fuss with peers, a train of negative thoughts rolling around your head, nagging-hurting-questioning all day and all night. you are desperate, looking for another solution because the one you already have is easy for you but might turn a bad face on others. Actually,it is not that bad at all but others perspective is always others, you can’t change that. Two person can look at one thing at once and can perceive contrary things or it more like saying beauty lies in the eyes of beholder. But it is more than just curtailing the fuss or the train of negative thoughts when someone extends the much needed support as he always, at times. He pushes you up from the nadir of negativity. Brings untold things perfectly shelved in order. A different perspective, a different way, step by step, discrete, crisp, balanced, fluid, exactly the amount you needed on his big day. Truly! this inspires, not the words but the way, the manner of conducting words, the little-big differences of being harsh and firm, the culture and the uncultured-culture, the low and the high, the big short differences, the quantized-crisp solutions, it’s like almost everything you needed is before you, crystal clear!
The problems are still there and they will be there, in bunch, piling-in always, some genuine and some created-homegrown-propagated. Genuine are the challenge i am looking for and propagated are the one they are looking for, but i am the lucky one with choice, i can chose whom to attend deeply and whom to attend superficially. Problems are not tough but solutions are! bringing everyone inside the perfect frame of your thought is tough. But at the end when you know that there is shadow behind you and which will protect you from shackles, the created-homegrown-developed ones. The rolling fuss takes a twirl out of your head, may be just for the time being but it feels relaxing, free, positive and more alive. it is never ever possible to get a better return gift! Thank you !!

If you can think about India before you write – my take for swatch Bharat.

I studied, not in the distance education program, not gave any external exams and neither have I possessed any five day Yale degree. I am B. Tech (Best graduate(Boy) 2011-15 batch) in Electrical Engineering, From NIT, Patna, a fully present, on campus graduation course. I never wanted to know our PM has any degree or not and neither this wild thought come in my mind because I live in a world where a person became the most influencing and changed the thought process of entire nation in just five years of his tenure. Once finished with his work he never came back to be president again, because he knew, where to lead his countrymen and how? My country is also going through similar changes. The politicians who never talked above caste and color are forced to talk about development, policies and PMO in Air India one. I am quite happy with this start of change. This morning I found that you are not quite happy. So I thought I should contribute to my part in ‘swatch Bharat’ but cleaning your dirty thoughts. Here it goes, my contribution of ‘swatch Bharat’.

                As I said I don’t even wanna know about educational qualifications of our PM. I hail from a small village of Bihar, where very recently two highly substandard educated young guys are deputy CM and Health minister. What a crap! This became possible only when ‘our alumni’ the CM, took steps for ‘Maha-gathbandhan’ but let’s not get into these details right now, it has become a quite traditional thing at my place and some other places in India. Having said this, what I believe is, we have chosen a leader if not you and me then the 31% people of India has voted him to be our PM, our leader. Please let him lead us. If you and your colleague journalists are not blind enough to see some of the changes inside and outside India, please let him lead us. And if you are writing all these articles just to earn and get footage then I must say, there are so many other burning issues in India that can give you footage, leave ‘KK- the poor guy’ alone. Still, if u can’t figure out topics to write, inbox me, I have plenty of it and along with the topics I will give u promise that you and your company will have much more footage and money out of those articles.

                I am 23 and I pay taxes. My brother is 26, he has been paying taxes from last 3 and half years and my dad from last 35 years. Let’s say/ assume all the tax we payed was given to ‘KK- the poor guy’ for his studies. I am okay with that but I would surely like to know what he does with it? And if he is doing what he is doing right now, I am ashamed that I paid tax for him. You know, paying tax is the second best feeling in world after watching your loved one spending your hard earned money but I don’t pay it for him to chant anti-national slogans standing on our mother land and abusing her. You might have liked those slogans because the instant you heard it, u knew, you are going to earn a lot of money out of this. You all will start writing articles, making him a hero and also at the same time you all will criticize works of our PM, criticize his actions. You will make hero of someone who had done absolutely nothing for this nation till date apart from disturbing its calmness, who is still rotting on my tax paid money. Result is, you and the company you work for, is making money out of this, the once proclaimed ‘poor guy’ is no more poor, he flies in plane and use iPhone (while the tax payer me is still filling EMI of moto X play I bought 5 months ago). It’s good that he is not poor now, but at what cost? Will you, your critical articles or your company for which you are criticizing our PM, will be able to repay the damage done by this? No! Never, you don’t have the courtesy to calculate the damage done by you. Let me show you the damage you people started with my country. Most definitely ‘KK-the poor guy’ will join some party and very soon he will be MP or MLA. (Yes, because there are so many people like you, who vote to make 8^th pass deputy CM). Then, he will become the representative of a constituency (now he only represents around 1000 students). Before you praise him and sympathize for him, think about the damage he will do to the society you and I live in. just for a minute, keep aside your hunger of money and footage and think about our country being led by ‘KK-the once poor guy’. This will be the country you are going to leave behind for your son and daughter. Please think about it, once! If someone has called them “overage and leeches who live off tax payer’s money” (tax payer like me) they are right in their domain. Those leeches are looking for their personal gain, not for country. I know they might not have got good facilities earlier, to read but when they did get it, they should make most out of it to make India a better place to live. One more thing for you, please, stop bragging about their ‘prestigious fellowships abroad’. They should have gone there only, deep down our hearts, you and I both know, India will progress faster without them. I hope you understand but if u want it explained. Inbox me.

In your article, you talk about ‘anti-national’ slogan, sedition charges, JNU scholar’s hunger strikes, HRD ministry, Home Ministry and their actions. Let me point out, you left one college, NIT, Srinagar but I won’t ‘NIT- NIT bhai bhai’. I visited your website, didn’t found any story about NIT, Srinagar. Have you ever written anything about it? Let me be more precise, do you know NIT, Srinagar and what happened there?? And if you know, then did u try to find out what actually happened there and why? Let’s assume your son/daughter is pursuing their degree in NIT, Srinagar, still you behave the same way as you do now? I am not a supporter of BJP, I speak for one, who work with fair hurt or at least try to work. So most definitely I will criticize you, you don’t fall in any category. Please, don’t choose your topic or article by ‘which will earn more TRP or money’ rather show the true journalism, weigh facts and speak. I don’t need to teach you about true journalism, you know it, better than me but you need to be awaken. Else, if we engineers start writing, you will be in the middle of nowhere.

                You said,” Aren’t campuses the battle ground of thought and ideas to be unleashed and channeled by young minds? Who didn’t engage, argue, arouse and awaken with viewpoints that were not just contrarian, even objectionable? It’s part of campus life, and the sole purpose of a university education; or would they rather have students thinking like sheep?” yes, first part of your sentence is so true, campuses are battle ground of wild thoughts and ideas but this is not the sole purpose of university education, no, not at all! The wild thoughts and ideas coming out of young people, needs to be shaped properly to make best out of it for the people and the country and this the reason we have so well qualified, highly paid professors, who know how to shape wild thoughts and ideas. These ideas are not meant to feed you or your colleague or your family, the ideas needs a little shaping by our noble laurates. To the last line of yours. I will just say, if students were forced to think like sheep, you would not have been writing these articles or for the matter of fact not even me. One more thing I will like you to suggest, don’t try to be ‘call boy’ of India through articles, you can’t handle things sitting behind in AC and rearranging couple of words you know. And for Indian, we are already tolerating a ‘call boy’ don’t need other in any form.

                 You wrote, some professor made statements about consuming alcohol, indulgent in immoral activities etc. let me tell you one more thing, Father-mother and teacher, knows their children better than rest of the world. So, before claiming that they were not involved in any one of the thing, make sure you are either father, mother or teacher of the person you are talking about. I hope you won’t doubt about father and mother. But if u need clarification about Teacher then look back to your life or any one of your friends life, you will have examples, plenty. Don’t forget what you learn from them and still if u don’t agree, then what I can say!

                As I said before, I am not the supporter of BJP. I saw ‘RSS’ word so many times in your article (I chose to skip those para). Again you are doing wrong, promoting and talking about it like you all did for ‘KK- the once poor guy’. As much as I don’t like your selection of words and sentences in your article, I don’t know or bother about RSS. May be the leader, we have chosen to lead this country has initial connections with them, May for too long but did he ever asked his fellow citizen to join RSS after becoming PM? Did he ever talked about the statements RSS gives time to time? As far as my knowledge is concern, NO, he never did. He knows the importance of his post and he also knows this is not going to benefit this nation. He knows, with great power comes greater responsibilities, don’t you? Infact, you are directly concluding things without weighing facts. You write “The motive is clear: Modi and Irani would rather shut universities which do not subscribe to RSS’ idea of hyper-nationalism and Hindutva culture, than allow free thinking and a free flow of ideas.” Shame on you. I can bet your statement is sponsored, leftist-rightist-Leninist-callboy etc. funded. If you can go that substandard in thinking and concluding, please save journalism by leaving it. It’s not the only way of making money.

                Try to understand, please. I work 8:30 to 5, six days a week, I worry about my family, friends and people around me. When I get time I try to learn what’s going in and around my country, I know I can’t directly do something for my country, but the best thing I did is, I have chosen a leader for my country. A true leader who will lead my country, not a ‘pappu’ or a puppet. All the time I work for my company, I work with full passion and dedication to make my contribution count in making of my company. For the similar job, I have chosen my leader, to work with the same passion and dedication I have, to make our mother land a better place to live. Don’t forget, the India you and I am living in is largely made by congress and its allies but the India your son, daughter or my son, daughter will live in, will be made by the leader we chose now. I am not sure, if you want your children to live under ‘the once poor guy’ or ‘pappu’ or some other puppet PM. But I am sure I want them to live in such India, where, working hours of 65 year old PM is greater than working hours of 23 year young engineer i.e. me.

Fractional life !

Every morning is not so different these days, as i woke up with a thin blanket covering me from rest of the world and my head which has adjusted itself somehow, somewhere in between two pillows last night, i feel extremely comfortable. The folding which has elevated me just a little above the floor makes me feel as if i am hanging above the floor with my stuffs. This moment pauses for a while but suddenly my latched brain triggers, it’s time! time to get up and get going. The moment which I just began to live, has suddenly bubbled out and the brain is saying “it’s time to start the Xerox machine for warm up”. yes, indeed! Life - a Xerox machine and the works i do is the cartridge. Even, with time, if you change it and put in some high class, it will only show you a little improvement, only a little. No matter, how hard or deep you try, improvement will always be just a little! The moment which i wanted to live, love and feel, only for few more seconds is the ‘delay time’ as defined in my second semester course. Basically, or it would be better to say ‘more precisely’ i am living my life in delay time. The fractional gap when my mind actually wakes up and the moment it starts working, i live the moment of transition.

Once started, it goes the same way, almost every day. But to be true, most of the days, it adds some real-life learning and some knowledge too. Since my childhood, i have always heard a powerful sentence which my ‘dadaji’ use to say, “ जो धन जैसे आत है, वो धन वैसे जात |”. therefore, for me it’s always have been so important that how the money is coming in, is it the hard way or the left way? I have witnessed my dad’s hard way earning and believe me, i know, how to be true to yourself? The only person you can cheat is yourself! So, the left way is not my thing and the hard way is not everyone’s thing. so now, officially, i am the rebellious one! Somehow i reached 5 pm. I need to brush out the things happened inside the thousand acres, so i will ride, sometimes faster sometimes slower, when i go fast, i let lose all and race with the wind. i know they are hitting me from front but i am a player by heart, i won’t give up. Other times i ride slow, never touching even my average speed allowing the slow winds go inside me and clean me up from deep and then fill it up with smell of mango flowers which makes me feel like i am somewhere near my home. Both the ways, i get off my bike, fresh.

Now i can feel, i have earned next 4-5 hours for my ‘me’ time. I live it with no rules, no plant, no future, no goal, no aim, no care (but i do care for my falling hair!) just these hours of me, with me and for me. the ‘delay time’ of morning, the ‘me’ time of evening and the 7-km ride with the wind keeps me alive.

A RISING CASTLE

There are so many questions in my mind which questions every existing thing on this Earth. From giggles of my daughter to the cry in my neighborhood, from the smiles of my angel to the  pain of my mother. It questions the rules and the regulations of our society, our system. It questions the few rules that we created and imposed on ourselves with everyone’s consent and also the millions of rules that our creator entangled us into it forcibly like 144. People wear t-shirts quoted ‘being human’ on the chest but when I see it, I feel this is the most dangerous question I have came across. What is the purpose of being human? Why are we here on this beautiful crust? Why humans have a sense of attachment? Why our world is motionless when we lose our real attachments? There are endless whys, all of them unanswered. This world is living with or without me but a son left living for the living god he believed in. He was never wrong and will never be. He is castle but the entangled laws of some universal power has drowned his strength. Now, he has become tender, delicate, crumble but not from outside, from inside. From outside he is still a castle, a guard with armour to protect.
I know him. We have some most amazing memories together, every bit of it unforgettable but my questions even asks me some dangerous whys about my purpose, my role, my part being played or to be played to keep the word ‘bhai’ together, reinforced, glued to each other. I don’t know why my eyes were brimming with tiny droplets when I heard some never witnessed trembling voice. I was stoned and  blacked out. I curse those unhuman words I said but I still believe in the unknown bond we share. I know, I will witness a new morning and he will be the true sunshine but I am afraid of the darkness before its rise. I am afraid of the consequences of some of those entangled rules and I fear the worse question I created.